Here I go again....

Exactly one week ago, I started my very last diet. I'm at that point where it's either do or die. You might think that's a little over-dramatic. I'm only 31. I'm not even obese. I am, however, 5'2 and there's 210lbs on this tiny frame of mine. If I don't get the balls to do something now, my life is going to start spinning out of control. Or continue to spin out of control, I guess I should say. 

I hope whoever is reading this is fat, too. That's why I started these ramblings of mine. You see, lately I've been searching for inspiration. I wanted to find a blog or a book and read someones story about how they conquered their obesity and how it was the hardest thing they've ever done in their life. Because, let's be real, dieting is HARD.  I've gone to the library and checked out books. I've googled the heck out of "inspirational dieting stories", and I have yet to come across someone who truly had a challenge with losing weight. Half of the stories ended up with the narrator getting gastric bypass and ending up a third of their original size. You know what?

If my stomach was reduced to a size of an egg, I'd be way less hungry too.

I'm not knocking the surgery. Some people truly need to have it. I've even looked into it and guess what? I don't weigh enough. Haha. The irony is if I just went on an eating binge and ate anything I wanted and gained maybe 30 more pounds, then my BMI would be high enough to qualify. It was almost tempting, let me tell you. But I don't want to get bigger. I'm already at my highest weight and I feel like an offspring of that big marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. So I kept on looking. I thought maybe if I found someone like me who overcame their weight problem, then it would give me hope. It's possible I just didn't look hard enough, or didn't enter the right search words into Google, but it seems that all the success stories I've read have only talked about the end result. No one talks about the struggles. The times they failed. The secret stash of candy they still dug into when no one was looking. The times they went 3 days without exercising just because they didn't feel like it.

I want to know that I'm not the only one who has tried (and failed) at dieting hundreds of times. I can't be the only one who, after 7 days of dieting, is still starving and craving every food imaginable. It's not easy. It's not fun. I don't love eating healthier. I want pizza, and Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, and chocolate milk! I refuse to eat a homemade pizza made with a cauliflower crust and goat cheese (seriously - who EATS that?). Normal people can't honestly be content with zucchini fries and veggie burgers.

It doesn't help that I'm super picky either. I hate most vegetables. I like maybe half the fruits out there. Wheat products? Forget it. I'd rather starve. Nuts? Gross. Meat? Usually only if I prepare it and even then it's hard for me to swallow without gagging. I love cheese and milk and carbs and chocolate! So dieting for me is pretty much finding a way to eat fatty foods while still losing weight. Not exactly a walk in a park.

Anyways, I've decided to stop looking and just create my own story. Maybe others will read this. Maybe not. But I hope at least a few people do. People, like me, that have been searching for someone who is in the same crappy place in life and who doesn't have the answer as to how to fix all of it but who, none the less, is giving it a try. I'm not the most open person. I'm not even sure I want to tell my friends about this blog, mainly because I try to avoid the obvious weight problem that I have and just pretend I'm skinny like everyone else. But I invite you all to read about my journey. I will be honest, brutal, explicit, and sometimes even funny. I'll share with you my struggles with losing weight and hope that anyone reading this will feel less alone in their journey to weight loss as well.

Please enjoy the adventures of a picky fat girl. :)