My fortune cookie predicted this.

Yeah...not the best week.

I always start out the week pepped up and ready to go. And then I get hungry. Before my diet I honestly didn't think I had any addiction to food - I just knew I only liked things that weren't good for you. But now I'm starting to wonder if I was wrong. I can't tell you all the different foods I've been craving. It actually keeps me up at night. Seriously.

Weigh-in was as I expected it would be - two pounds lost for hubby, 1/2 a pound gain for me. Of course I blame the chinese I had last night. It's been raining all week too so I haven't walked much. I could have done my exercise bike though, so really I have no excuses.


On the plus side - I had to go get new clothes. None of my jeans fit me well anymore and I am down to one pair of work pants. I found me jeans and pants in size 16. Before I was either an 18 or a 20. I was pretty stoked. I got them at a thrift store though. I dont want to spend a lot of money on clothes that I'm not planning on wearing a long time. I spent a total of six dollars on those pants! haha

I'd like to say that this week will be better but apparently saying that all the time is jinxing me. I'll get over this hump soon, but part of me is really just happy that I have lost this much. I've got my meals pre-planned this week and it's not supposed to rain, so I should be walking every day. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

This is how I like the sun....

....when it's going down :)

This made walking totally worth it tonight. I'm not in love with Oklahoma City but there are parts of it that make me glad I'm here.

The Dress

I did pretty bad this week with food choices. I didn't walk much. I ate more than a thousand calories on our date last night, and when I stepped on the scale this morning - I broke even. Technically, I lost .2 pounds. I'm just so so glad that I didn't GAIN any weight!

We have a battle plan this week to get ourselves back on track (David broke even too). We will be eating the exact same things we ate the first week of our diet. We both lost 3lbs that week so you'd think it would work again.

I think I just needed some indulgence. Now that I've stuffed my face with crap and allowed my legs 5 days of rest, I'm ready to get back in the game. I'm viewing things a little differently now. Honestly, I really didn't feel like losing 13 pounds had changed my body much. My jeans are bigger but I couldn't pinpoint where the weight loss was coming from. Until I went dress shopping.

I have a few dresses but I wanted something new for our date night. I spent 4 hours shopping yesterday - went to three different Ross's (that's where I always get my dresses), and I finally found a lacy, sexy, but appropiate dress. lol. Here's the kicker - it was one size smaller than what I usually wear in dresses. When i first started trying on dresses I found a few in my size and a few bigger than my size. They all hung on me in weird places. It just wasn't working. I went back to the dress rack and found some cute dresses in 1 to 2 smaller dress sizes than what I've always worn. I brought them to the dressing room and tried them on.

They fit.

It was then that I realized why dresses look better on me now - I've lost my thighs! haha. I've never been able to wear clingy dresses before but now they actually look pretty damn good. I ended up buying a dress that actually fit to my body - I've never had that before and it felt amazing to be able to wear it.  I didn't think about taking pictures until we got home that night but I did manage to snap a few before I changed. Forgive me for the crappy images - Ive never been good at photography.

That look I'm giving scares me haha.

And in case you were wondering - Blue Man Group was really awesome.

Woe is me...

Okay this week did not go according to plan. Tuesday I was STARVING. I was trying to eat less so that I could for sure lose a few pounds this week and get below 200. Bad idea.

We ended up having pizza for dinner (instead of having it Friday night like we normally do) and it was awesome. I didn’t walk that night although I did go walking the next morning. I didn’t know what kind of affect that pizza would have on me until the next day. I thought I would be satisfied with my greasy, fatty dinner and be ready to tackle the health food again. I was so wrong.

Wednesday I was even hungrier. I ate stuff I shouldn’t have and by the time I got home from work I felt bloated and gross. I was so depressed that I just stayed home and sulked. We ended up going to bed at 8 that night.

Thursday I was still really hungry. My stomach was making noises during a meeting I was in and actually disrupting work. And I was eating my healthy stuff that I brought from home – it’s not like I was starving myself. My stomach just wanted more. Again I ate stuff at work that I shouldn’t have had. When I got home I didn’t eat supper but I’m pretty sure the damage was already done. Again, I was so depressed. I’m seriously one pound away from a big goal of mine and it seems impossible that I will ever get there.

Today was food day. I outdid myself. My pants feel tighter as I write this and the kicker is that I’M  STILL HUNGRY. I can pretty much kiss any potential weight loss this week goodbye. Tomorrow we have a date night – dinner and then Blue Man Group and I’m not about to waste money on a salad. I’m sure I’ll eat heartily and I’ll pay for it on the scale Sunday.

Part of it is that it’s hot again. And humid. And they closed my walking trails by the lake for 4 days this week because of some bike race so I can’t even go walking at my usual spot. I need to form a plan of action to get me back on track. Whatever I’ve tried these last few weeks has failed miserably. I’m even thinking of looking at week one of my diet/food journal and just eating the exact same thing I ate  that week. It worked once, it should work again.

I’m still depressed. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I’m starting to wonder if my mind plays a much larger role in my weight loss than I’ve recently believed. I’m not satisfied with the diet plan and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s my mind that is hungry and not my stomach.

Crap – do I need to go to a shrink? I really do think I need my head examined. I think there are reasons behind my weight problem that need to be dealt with. My husband’s having no problems. If he’s hungry or craving other foods, he’s not saying anything, and he’s obviously losing weight like he should. I wish I could learn from him but in some ways, me and him just think completely opposite from each other and I don’t think this is something I can twist my mind into learning.

Hopefully I’m making sense. And hopefully you’re not completely depressed after reading my post haha. I have to believe that things will get better but I don’t think it’s in the cards this week. My mind needs an intervention. Or maybe it’s my stomach.

Anyone got a good shrink they can recommend?

Temptation

I went to work with my bagged lunch full of healthy food and snacks, only to be greeted by free donuts. No worries though - I resisted. Although I may have wandered into the breakroom, opened the donut boxes, and inhaled deeply a few times. Then at lunch time someone went and got sweet and sour chicken and fried rice from one of my favorite chinese places. It smelled like heaven. The ironic thing is that is the only meal I've been totally craving lately.

Why, God? Why???

I didn't go running to China House like my stomach wanted me to. I ate my apple and yogurt covered pretzels and tried not to breathe through my nose. It worked.

Then tonight I come home, make dinner, and get changed into my walking clothes. But before I could go out, my husband forces me to watch a movie, and before you know it, it's pitch black outside and I can't go walking by the lake like I wanted to.

Let me explain the movie part so you feel a little more sympathetic for me. My husband got to draw his prize for losing 20lbs. He ended up with the prize that said he could buy any one item from our favorite store, FYE. They have video games, movies, cd's - it's pretty much the coolest store ever. So we went yesterday and he ended up getting a DVD Box for The Matrix. There are 10 discs in this savy little box. The three Matrix movies, an animated movie called Animatrix, and a crap load of special feature stuff. One of the DVD's is nothing but two hours of the movies' soundtrack. It's crazy.

So last night we watch the first movie, The Matrix. I've seen that one about a dozen times. I've only seen the second one twice and I have yet to see the third. It's been awhile since I watched part two so I really wanted to see it. As you can probably guess, that's the movie he put in before I got my walking shoes on. Once it started I was transfixed and glued to the couch. At least I can watch the third movie and have some understanding about what's going on.

To make up for my laziness, I'm going to wake up and walk in the morning. I might have had to do that anyways - it's climbing back up to 95 again. I swear, this summer is never going to end.

You said it, Neo

Disappointed

Let's start with the good news for this week's weigh-in. My husband had reached his first goal. He's lost 21 lbs! Which means he gets to draw from our prize selection today. You need to understand - he barely exercises. This is just his diet that is causing him his weight loss. He likes a lot more food choices than I do so he can get by with eating healthier lunches and whatnot. I'm the one having to figure out how to fit junk food into my meals so I can actually eat each day. Anyways - I'm proud of him :)

Me? I stayed exactly the same. I started this week out exuberant; sure that I would end this week out of the 200 lb weight range. The first 4 days went good. I walked A LOT and stayed within my points. But then I started snacking more and not writing down what I ate and friday I didn't walk at all. Honestly I should have still lost weight. I've been cleaning and burning calories left and right. But my body is too stubborn I guess.

Can I cry now?

This is beyond frustrating. Even David is flabbergasted. I eat so much less than I used to and I exercise so much more. And what do I get after 7 whole weeks of this? 13 pounds off my legs (they're the only part of my body that seems smaller so I'm thinking that's where all the weight is going. Just what I always wanted - Chicken legs).

Am I going to give up? Of course not. This week I'm going to stretch myself a little bit further and get down into the one hundred's. No skinny cow desserts. No sugar at all if I can help it. I'll be more diligent about writing things down and I'll be sure  to put more effort into walking faster. Maybe I'll even jog once in awhile. (gasp!). 

I'm also going to blog each night to keep myself accountable.

I'm on the road to a skinnier me - I just have to keep stopping to fuel myself up. The point is - I'm still going.

I just spent my friday night cleaning the kitchen. Do I know how to live or what?

I also finished my 'before and before' pics. Check out my new page.

It's 11. I'm going to bed.

My dogs are barking

So I walked today before work...and again later this evening. Why did I walk so much? I'm not sure to be honest. I just felt like it. I won't feel like doing all that again tomorrow though, I know that much.

So bad news. Gertrude has lost another 15lbs. She is now at a weight loss of 35 pounds - and she started her diet around the same time as me. (If you're confused on who Gertrude is....scroll down to read my Gertrude post. And shame on you for not reading all my posts!). Now, it might seem mean that I'm not wanting her to lose weight, but I swear - the girl is actually boasting about it. It's all she talks about and it's annoying. I want her to go away. Or get fat.

I've been listening to audiobooks a lot lately. I downloaded an app called Overdrive and it allows me to check out audiobooks or e-books from my library whenever i want. It's freakin awesome! So when I get tired of music, I download a book and listen to it. I've usually got a book playing all day at work, and lately, when i've been walking. Today I listened to a biography called 703 - How I Lost a Quarter Ton and Gained a Life, by Nancy Makin. Normally I hate non-fiction, but this one sounded interesting. It's basically about a lady who got up to 703lbs and then lost a bunch of it. Her story is actually really interesting. It also made me realize that I never ever want to be bigger than what I started this diet at.

Tomorrow it's supposed to storm. I'd like to go walking, but staying at home and reading a good book while it's raining out is a rare treat. I guess it will be up to mother nature. I might even do a few rain dances to sway her - it wouldn't hurt. :)

Where's my fat at?

A co-worker of mine has been doing water aerobics. A few of the girls here said to her, “you look like you’ve been losing weight!” To this she replied, “Yes. Yes I have. I’m down six pounds!” Congratulations all around, hooray, hoorah, blah blah blah.

You know what? It sucks to have lost 13 pounds and have no one notice. Of course I’m not doing this for them, but still, the weight had to have gone somewhere – so why isn’t anyone seeing it? Ugh. Stupid non-observant co-workers.

Other than that, things are good. Better than good actually. I’m so hyped up now about getting below 200lbs, it’s to the point that I’m not even thinking about cheating lol. I even went walking last evening when it was hot and sunny out. I wanted to puke and pass out, but the point is that I did it and I’m proud of myself. I’m looking forward to Friday when a cold front comes in and brings the temperature down to a chilling 75 degrees. Ha.

To be honest, if I hadn’t lost weight last week, I’m not sure I’d be trying hard right now. I really struggled the first 6 weeks. Losing weight even the slow way is frustrating. And I have no patience. Things are slowly looking up now. I feel like I’ve gotten past the rough patch and am on the downhill slope to a thinner, and happier, Caitrin.

And if I need to wear hoochie, tight clothes so that my co-workers notice my weight loss, so be it.

Just kidding.

...and I'm back! And skinnier!

After an eight day break, I am happy to be home and focusing on my weight-loss again. We weighed ourselves this morning. This is our sixth week I think. David is down to 17lbs lost. Only three away from his goal!! That means he'll get his 20lb achivement prize before me. Bastard.

And me? I don't know how, but I lost 4lbs on my vacation. I'm down 13 and only ONE POUND away from getting out of the 200's.

Squeel!!!!

It's definitely giving me the motivation that  I need to pick things back up and really start focusing on shedding this fat. I was getting so discouraged and although I wasn't going to quit, I wasn't excited about it anymore either. This vacation is exactly what I needed I guess. 

So, how well did I stick to weight watchers while on my trip? Let's see.... I didn't track my points, I ate a bunch of junk, and I didn't walk at all. So not that good I guess. I think I lost weight because even though I ate poorly, I ate very little. It wasn't all intentional either.

I left for New Mexico on Monday around 10 a.m. I had a cooler full of bottled water and dt. Mountain Dew. I stopped at the gas station and picked up a 6-pack of hostess donuts and a small bag of sour cream and onion chips. I was off to a real great start.
I was totally planning on stopping in Amarillo, Tx (the half-way point) and picking up some grub. I decided I was going to eat what I wanted - I didn't care about points that day. I wanted to make this boring road trip as fun as possible. When I got there, though, I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat. I wasn't all that hungry either. As I was leaving the city, I started craving tacos. I decided that the next city I came to, I would stop and get me some yummy Taco Bell.
I still had 4 more hours to travel, and about 20 more cities to drive thru, and not one freakin place had a Taco Bell. Seriously. But I didn't want anything else so I just kept on driving. When I got to mom's around 530 (she's an hour behind me so technically I got there at 630) she had Dominoes waiting and I scarfed down.

The next few days were weird though. I wasn't hungry. I ate Taco Bell one day, McD's the next, but I just got small meals and didn't eat much else throughout the day. It's probably just as well - we mainly stayed indoors and watched TV and Movies. I have permenantly put a caitrin-sized buttprint into the right cushion of my mom's couch.

I left Friday morning at 7. I had every intention of hitting up Dunkin Donuts when I got to Santa Fe (about 20 min away from Mom's) and getting a large Iced Mocha Latte with an extra shot of Expresso, and 2 (or three) donuts. For the first time, though, I ended up getting lost. By the time I got back on the right highway and passed Dunkin Donuts, it was packed and I didn't want to stop. I decided the next fast food place I see I would stop at and pick up breakfast. I was on my way out of Santa Fe by that point. The next fast food place I saw was Carl's Jr, about two and a half hours later. I got a large meal with a egg, sausage, and cheese croissant. I couldn't even finish it. A first for me.

When I got to Amarillo again, I wasnt hungry, so I didn't pick any food up. On my way out of the city I started craving a Dairy Queen Blizzard. It wouldn't be easy to eat it and drive but I didn't care. All i wanted was a chocolate blizzard with reecees peanut butter pieces in it. The joke was on me though - I didn't pass another Dairy Queen. I got home at 5, starving since I hadn't had anything to eat since 10ish, and i was still craving ice cream. That whole road trip was one big disappointment.

David was so happy to see me. We've been together 10 years and still can't tolerate being apart from each other. I had missed him so much. We decided to celebrate being together again by getting Little Caesars Pizza and renting a movie. I pigged out. It was great.

Today will be the first day I have walked since over a week ago. I'm probably going to be sore. I'm still shocked I lost weight last week. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it sometimes. I'm so close to my goal of getting under 200lbs I could almost dance. This week I'm going to lose a few more pounds and get out of this weight-range. I'm pumped and excited and extremely hyped up. I go back to work tomorrow but I like my job so I'm not too upset about that. I hope Gertrude hasn't lost any more weight - that might bring me down a little, but this time off has made me realize that focusing on her and what she's doing is only making things worse for me. I need to just concentrate on me.

Although I think it's still perfectly acceptable to stare daggers into the back of her head when she's not looking.

Vacation!

To say I'm frustrated is an understatement. And what sucks is I knew this would happen - I was just hoping I'd be proved wrong.

Weight loss is at a standstill. I lost ten and have stayed that way. I won't weigh again for two more days but I can just tell - nothing's changed. I'm walking and eating good. My body is just being stubborn! To make it worse, it's getting super hot outside again. Walking might have to be put on hold for a few days. I could wake up early and go, but I'm on vacation now and I refuse to wake up at the butt crack of dawn lol. In three days I'll be heading to New Mexico anyways and I won't be able to walk there at all - unless it's at walmart.

I enjoy having my blog but I think part of my vacation will be trying to break ties with technology. I want to focus on getting crafts done and getting stuff done around the house. I'll update sunday when I weigh myself (cringe) but I'm not going to post next week. I need to focus on other stuff right now.

I know I have some faithful readers now and I'm truly thankful. Keep me in your thoughts this week as I struggle with eating healthy in New Mexico and walking on my days off here in the city. I need some good vibes sent my way :)