Am I in Miami?

It's. So. Humid.

I went walking anyways. Now I stink and am covered in all kinds of nasty sweat. I think I deserve to at least lose one pound for this. And not one pound in water weight but in fat.

Sometimes you need to be specific when you wish for something. The universe is tricky like that.

Im getting excited. I get to see my mom in one week. I'll be driving to New Mexico and spending the week at her casa in the little town of Espanola. It will be a week of relaxing, watching scary good movies, and....eating. I talked to my mom today and she has all these yummy fatty meals planned for us. Yikes! I said "Mom - I've lost ten pounds. I can't gain it all back after just one week with you." So, although I'm sure I'll partake in her chex mix, cinnamon rolls, and Hurley Hotdogs (our family specialty), I will also be sure to bring lots of fruit and water to munch on in between meals. I have to at least try.

Honestly the worst part will be the 7 hour road trip. I have a routine down. I stop at Dunkin Donuts on my way out of town and get an Iced Mocha Latte with an extra shot of expresso, and some donuts. This gives me enough energy until I stop for gas in Lawton. Then I usually pull thru a drive thru somewhere, get a large coke, a sandwich, and fries.  Maybe even some candy at the gas station. Then I stop for gas again in New Mexico and I'll get another Coke. Or maybe Mountain Dew or a Redbull. Something with lots of yummy sugar and caffeine. Then, when I finally pull into my mom's driveway, she'll usually have food waiting for me. It's a day of eating, drinking lots of sugar, and making my drive as fun as possible so I don't fall asleep and run myself -and others-off the road.

As you can probably tell, I'm a little apprehensive about my trip this time. Western Oklahoma and the Texas panhandle are flat, boring, and horrible to drive through. You can't even go above the speed limit. They have more state troopers manning the I-40 Interstate then they do down at the Border. I need sugar to keep me alert and awake. I need good food to look forwards to - it's my reward for making it that long without getting pulled over or falling asleep.

I'm definitely bring some Dt. Mtn Dew and some Cherry Coke Zero. That will take care of the caffeine. As for what I'll eat those 7 hours......honestly I have no clue. I'm not coordinated enough to eat a salad while driving, not that I would eat one anyways. I guess there's always subway.

Any suggestions?

Come again?

Well poo. I gained a pound. I knew I would though. Even though I walked most of the week and ate good, I just wasn't feeling it. On the plus side, David lost 3lbs! So he's pretty excited. I filled in his thermometer. I can't erase crayon so i guess mine will just stay the same haha. Crap.
.

Don't think this is going to bring me down. Hell no. I'm made of tougher stuff than that. If anything, I think this gain will help me focus on doing better this week so I can show the scale who's boss next sunday. I'm not changing my little scale on my blog either. That's too depressing and besides, I'll lose that pound in the next few days.

So yeah, tough week. I was tired, depressed, and sulky. I didnt feel like writing. I didnt feel like doing much. I even walked slower on my walks. But I already feel a bit better today. Tomorrow is a new day. I bought some yummy healthy stuff at the store today so that will help when i get snacky at work. My house is clean. I'm hanging out with a friend later tonight. I only have to work 4 days this week and then I start my vacation. Things will get better. And since I no longer feel like writing, here are some funny pictures:

Can I get some cheese with that whine??

The last few days have taken a toll on me. I’m not sure what started it. All I know is that the past two days I have been extremely hungry and tired. Wednesday was great. Thursday I woke up and felt like I had been fasting! My stomach is so hungry it hurts, and it’s not like I’m starving myself. I’m tired and have no energy. I still walk but I walk with a lot less enthusiasm and pep. My excitement for being on this diet and losing a little weight has completely gone away.

Don’t misunderstand me – I’m not quitting. That’s not even an option. I just think things will go a lot slower than I originally planned. I’m almost positive I didn’t lose weight this week. I don’t feel different. My clothes don’t feel different. And maybe since my heart isn’t in it right now, my body won’t be either. Weird how that works.

I need another spark – something to get the fire started under me again. I’m still watching what I eat. I’m still walking an hour a day. But I’m just going thru the motions right now. I feel like I’m trapped and am never going to lose any more weight. Maybe I’m just cursed? Maybe I’m an exception to the whole ‘eat well and lose weight’ rule. Or maybe I just have a thyroid problem. Ugh. Maybe this is just a phase and next week I’ll read this blog and be like….wow – I can be really whiney sometimes.

As my mom always says, “if you can’t cry, than laugh”, and I’m not crying yet. That will probably be Sunday after the weigh-in. haha.

Can anyone SEE me?

Sorry it’s been a few days – life is keeping me busy! But I’m doing good. I’m walking in the evenings now and I love it! My best friend walks with me sometimes, too, which is so much fun. We just laugh the whole time and the walking goes a lot faster. Plus we’re working our abs! haha. I’m eating pretty good. I have more energy. I’m in a better mood.

I still feel fat though.

I’m just waiting for the morning that I wake up and look in the mirror and actually see a difference. No one at work has even noticed anything, although I don’t blame them. A ten pound weight loss on me just means I look a little less bloated lol. It will be another 10lbs before anyone can really tell I think. This morning didn’t help things. Gertrude was in charge of our monthly meeting and everyone commented on how great she looked. Ugh. And she does look good – although I think spanx may have played a part in it today. I also had to get up in front of everyone. I sucked in my tummy and tried to look thinner. Inside I was screaming “someone notice my weight loss!!!” but no one did. It’s frustrating. I’ve worked so hard for 4 weeks now and no one has noticed. Usually I would just give up but this time it makes me want to work that much harder. My big payoff is coming!

I always quit after losing 10 pounds. I’m constantly gaining and losing 10lbs so I’m not entirely content with this weight loss. Now if I lose another ten, I’ll have pushed through my comfort zone and actually have done something really challenging for once. That voice is still there telling me that I won’t lose any more weight. I can only lose 10 – that’s the rule. I can walk as much as I want but it wont make a difference. I hate that voice. I’m hoping to prove it wrong this week. Then maybe it will shut up for good!

Imma Gangsta

Good news and bad news. We had our fourth weigh-in today. I lost 3lbs which means I've officially lost 10lbs!!! Yay me! The bad news is my husband only lost half a pound. He's pretty aggravated and I don't blame him one bit. He ate really good this week and even went running with a friend. Being the perfect wife that I am, I told him to not let it hold him back or discourage him. And then I told him I will personally see to it that he spends at least one hour on the exercise bike a day - or else. Haha.

I went on my walk this morning. Woke up at 730. In the morning. On a Sunday. Oh my, what's happening to me???? It was nice and cool and the sun stayed behind the clouds the whole time. Maybe it read my latest blog and decided to ease up on me a bit.

I also went grocery shopping and I realized I am having to deal with a new problem. My favorite jeans, which have always fit me just right, are now falling down. I kept having to stop and yank them up. I looked like I was trying to be a thug or something - they're literally falling down to my low hips. Pretty soon they'll just fall right off (I hope anyways!). I actually do have two pairs of jeans that are smaller, but I still can't fit into them. The two jeans that I normally wear are both getting pretty roomy. There's no way in hell I'm buying new jeans either. I guess I'll just look thuggish for awhile.

I'm going to enjoy the rest of my Sunday and read my latest book, 50 Shades of Grey. I had to see what all they hype was about. So far it's been interesting, to say the least. The writing isn't as bad as I thought it would be, and the plot is very....um.....engrossing, but that's not always a good thing. We shall see...

The Sun has it out for me

 

Today we had lots of thunderstorms. It was wonderful! When they finally cleared out I looked at the temp outside - 66 degrees. I was so freaking excited. I changed into my walking clothes and drove right out to Hefner lake to get some walking done. About five minutes into my walk, the sun came out.

The sun and I have never gotten along. I get overheated so easily and it's all thanks to the bright ball of fire in the sky. Usually if the sun is out, and it's warmer than 50 degrees, I won't walk. I end up getting nauseous and weak if I do. It's been like that since I can remember. The sun has never been my friend.

So anyways - the sun comes out, but you know what? There's still a pleasant breeze. I would be just fine. After 20 min of walking, though, the breeze stops. Great. All I can feel is the heat from the sun pounding on my head. I'm sweaty, dizzy, and nauseous. And I still have 40 minutes to walk. Long story short, I finished my walk and made it back to my car without passing out. The temperature was 76. It rose ten degrees during my walk. How lame.

I normally wouldn't have blogged about something as trivial as this. However, this happens to me ALL THE TIME. As I said, I don't exercise when it's sunny out, so when I walk in the evenings, i wait for either cloud cover, or for the sun to start setting. It never fails though. The minute I get out of my car and start walking, the sun comes out. It's evil. And it hates me. And sometimes I think it's trying to kill me.

Maybe walking at 445 in the morning isn't such a bad idea after all. 

I now have an audience. EEK!

I skipped my walk yesterday and I can’t believe how guilty I feel about it. I promise I wasn’t being lazy, I just finally slept good that night and I wanted to get as much of that good sleep as possible. My brain punished me though. All day long I was hungry and tired. My pants even felt tighter. How dumb. I made up for it this morning though. I even walked longer than I had planned – although it wasn’t intentional. I got lost in the neighborhood I was walking in lol.

So today is food day here at work. We have one food day a month. Today the theme is sandwiches. I signed up to bring diet coke – I don’t cook or bake. And I’m cheap. I’m not exactly sure what I’ll eat today. Hopefully someone brought a fruit tray.  Dieting on food day sucks.

I finally invited some people to look at my blog. It didn’t bother me that no one reads my blog. I write these things for myself and let me tell you, I’m a good listener. But it all comes down to accountability and truth. If I have an audience, I will be more likely to succeed with my weight loss. And knowing people are reading these posts will keep me more honest. I feel like my weight has been an issue that I’ve tried hiding in the closet, pretending it isn’t important and that no one sees it. But now is the time for honesty and I can no longer ignore what is literally the biggest problem in my life.

I was scared to have my friends read my blog. A lot of these guys live in other areas of the country and haven’t seen me in awhile. I could have just kept up my charade that life is great and that I look great and haven’t gained 75lbs in ten years, but I no longer see the point. I think a lot of people struggle with their weight and maybe revealing the true me will inspire others to no longer ignore their weight issues either.

Anyways, what’s done is done. These words will be read, or not, and they might inspire, or not, but I feel like I have taken the next step in this journey of mine (admitting I have a problem lol) and that kind of makes this new life style change a little more real. There’s nothing like baring your soul to a bunch of people and openly talking about your most embarrassing problem. God bless the internet.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Motivation

I’m going to be positive today. Well, at least I’ll try. I think I need to shift my focus on what is working for me and what positive changes I’ve seen, instead of dwelling on how much further I have to go on this crappy diet. So, yeah, positive things I’ve noticed:

My clothes are looser.

Stomach is getting smaller – my shirts fit better anyways.

I’m less tired.

Well, that’s all I can think of. It will be a few more weeks before anyone notices me losing weight. I just need to stay focused. I can do this until October. I owe myself that much.

One Meal Won't Make You Gain Weight

I realized why I’m struggling. Being hungry all the time doesn’t bother me. I can get used to that. It’s never being full that is the hardest to deal with. I think for some people, and apparently me, fullness equals satisfaction. I’m not content with eating a small meal. I want to eat ‘til I’m full dang it. It’s slowly getting better, but it still sucks. Part of me thinks I should just go get a big meal somewhere and eat until I want to puke. If I don’t, and this continues to eat away at me, I might end up just slipping anyways. But instead of just one meal, I’d probably end up on a day long binge. So should I take my chances, or eat something fatty and filling (because let’s face it – a low-fat meal isn’t going to fill me up)? And if I eat this one meal, will it screw up my weight loss this week? Ugh.

On that topic – one of the reason’s I gained all this weight is because of a saying I once heard: Eating one meal isn’t going to make you gain weight, and skipping one meal won’t make you lose weight. I would go to Chili’s or something, order my favorite calorie-rich food, and not feel guilty because, hey, one meal won’t make me gain weight. Obviously, anyone smart who heard this quote would be like…well...that’s true, but if you have MORE than one meal, that principle won’t work. Yeah. Tell that to my head. The next day, we’d go out to eat somewhere, and I’d get whatever I wanted because (all together now) one meal won’t make me gain weight. It was my motto. Now that I’m trying to lose weight, I feel like anything I eat in excess will make me gain weight. Weird how that works. I’m so divided. One part wants to be good and persevere and lose more weight, and the other half of me (the beast with-in) wants to eat, eat, eat. On the plus side, I’ve woken up early the past two days to go walking so at least I have that going for me.

Maybe I can eat a big bad meal and go walking TWICE tomorrow? hehehe.

*hangs head in shame*

One Pound

Today was our third weigh in. My husband got down another 3lbs - which means he's lost a total of 10 in 3 weeks! I'm super proud of him. This is just from eating right. He hasn't exercised very much at all.

And me? I lost......one pound. Ugh. BUT (and I'm sorry for any men reading this) I just got my period and I'm bloated and I normally gain a few pounds on my first and second day of my cycle. So honestly, I might have lost more. But I can't weigh myself again until next Sunday so now I'm just shooting for a goal of 5lbs lost...the 3lbs that I would normally lose in one week, and an extra two to make up for this week. Still, it was sad to only fill in one number on my scale. :(

The good news is that I'm actually excited to begin a whole week of walking. I really really like my walks. I actually got up at 6 Saturday morning and went out to the lake and walked a whole hour. What the hell is wrong with me? Although I did come home and go back to bed for a few more hours so I'm not going completely nuts.

This week I'm going to try and be positive. I won't let myself get depressed about my slow weight loss until I see the scale next Sunday. It might seem dumb to let myself get down about losing a pound, but you see, i have a very irrational fear that i will never get below 200lbs. I have this insane, illogical belief that no matter how good i eat and how much I exercise, that I will always be stuck in the 200's. I haven't seen 199 in years. It seems impossible now that I will see that number again. And it's only 6lbs away! If i get on the scale next week, and I'm only down a pound or two, then my fears will seem that much more real. And I'll probably have a break down.

But I won't think about that this week. I'm just going to focus on making better food choices, doing my daily walks, and leveling up my villain on DC Universe (I am sooo addicted to that game!).

Here's to optimism and a good week of weight loss!

Gertrude

Yesterday was hard. I was discouraged and depressed and frustrated. Upon reflection, I’ve come to realize that I was just being dumb, but sometimes you need to fall to get back up again.

I was actually having a pretty good day. I felt good about my walk in the morning. I wasn’t as hungry as usual. I was even in a good mood. Then I talked to her. (Queue the evil – Da! Da! Dum! music here)

 No one from my department reads my blog but, just in case, let’s call her Gertrude.

I had gone into our break room to get my lunch out of the fridge. My manager was in there pouring coffee and Gertrude was sitting at the table staring at her phone. My manager saw the grapes and apple that I was digging out of my lunch bag and asked if was dieting again. (That’s a sad word – “again”. Ugh.) Yep! I told her my hubby and I had started a little over two weeks ago. She said that was awesome. I said thanks. I turned around to leave, and then Gertrude looked up and asked me what diet I was on.

Now a little background about Gertrude so that my reaction to what transpired between us makes a little more sense. Have you ever met someone that, for whatever weird, unknown, irrational reason, you just didn’t like? Their face, their voice, the way they talk – EVERYTHING? And usually you’re the only one with a problem because everyone else seems to adore them? This is how I felt about Gertrude. And I feel bad for having these feelings. She seems nice. She just bugs the crap out of me.

So she asked me what diet I was on. I told her weight watchers. She said that’s cool (but in a way that meant it wasn’t all that cool). She tells me she’s doing Medifast.

 Um….Medifast? So you’re fasting???

 No. Medifast – it’s a diet that provides you with meals and stuff.

 Oh. Ok. Cool.

 Yeah it is. I’m never hungry. It’s great!

 (WTF?. I’m always hungry! That is so not fair!).

And then she says that she’s already lost 20lbs and she’s only been doing it for a few weeks. I could of punched her. I mean, she’s not as heavy as me, but she’s still a pretty big girl…and I don’t like her. So understandably I want to lose weight and be skinnier than her. Instead of giving her my right hook, though, I just congratulated her and went back to my desk.

Of course the first thing I did was Google “medifast”. Turns out it’s what she said it is – a meal replacement program. The kicker? It’s SUPER expensive. One box of cereal is almost 18 dollars. A 24 pack of diet shakes is almost 80. She had to of spent a fortune getting all this food. You have to eat every 2-3 hours, so you’re going through this stuff fast. Unfortunately I didn’t realize this yesterday, but it hit me this morning during my walk – she spent probably close to 400 dollars to lose 20lbs. And you know when she starts eating normal food, she’ll probably gain back some of the weight. Me? I’m losing weight on a budget. I’ll save my hard-earned money for new clothes, thank you very much. But yesterday I just felt defeated. I wanted to afford expensive diet meals. I wanted to boast a 20lb weight loss. I didn’t want to be hungry. When I got home from work, I didn’t even want to eat. I felt if I ate anything it would make my weight loss progress slower. Luckily I have an awesome, reasonable, and smart husband. He pretty much said what I just pointed out – our way really is the better way. And so I had supper. And today I feel a whole lot better about everything. It’s crazy how just one thing can bring you down.

I want to be the better person and say that I hope Gertrude really does lose more weight and actually keeps it off, but I have to be honest. If she gained all the weight back in the next few months, it would make me feel really good. I’m evil and mean and horrible, I know. But at least I tell the truth. I want her weight loss to be as hard as mine. It’s only fair. Don’t hate me.  

I made walking my Bitch

Guess who got up at 445 to go walking this morning? I hate to admit it, but it wasn’t all that bad. For some reason I thought I would be walking alone on a deserted street, pitch black because none of the street lights would be working, and walking past dark houses because everyone who is normal is asleep in their bed. I learned that the street I live on is actually pretty busy and well-lit at five in the morning. I only saw one other pedestrian, though. Some blonde girl who was younger and fitter and cuter. I said ‘good morning’ as she passed, but I gave her a look that said “Yeah. I can do this too, Bitch.” I’m sure she got the message.

So am I going to do this every day? Heck no. But I am going to try (weather permitting) to wake up and do this on the weekdays. As soon as the temps drop below 90 though, I’ll resume my walking in the evenings. No one needs to wake up this early if they can help it.

I might be a Schtzophrenic

I really want to go walking again, but it’s like the fourth circle of Hell out there. I’d end up face down in my own pile of puke, waiting for some super fit runner to stumble upon me and call 911. Even if I managed to walk an hour without passing out, the glaring sun would at least guarantee that I spend the night with a horrible headache. My apartments have a small fitness room but there are always big scary guys in there. No thanks. 

Since I started this diet, a small annoying voice has been whispering in my ear. What it suggests is ridiculous. Nearly impossible – and I’ve told it that! But the stupid whispering won’t stop. “Get up at 4:45 and go walking”, It says. That’s just insane. I’m not going to get out of my warm bed, change out of my warm jammies, and go exercise. Only athletes and weird fitness freaks do that. Besides, it’s still incredibly humid outside. I’ll be covered in sweat when I get back and if I take a shower, it might make me late for work (yes I do shower, just normally I do it at night) .Then the list of reasons NOT to get up early and exercise starts piling up. It’s not practical. I’m not training for a marathon. I can wait a few months for it to cool down and then resume walking at nights like I used to.

But that voice won’t shut up.

So I figured tomorrow I will get up super early and walk 50 minutes. I’m sure all the reasons why I didn’t want to do it will become apparent and I will be able to tell that voice I TOLD YOU SO. And then it will go away and leave me alone until the weather gets cooler.

 ……Right?

Obi-Wan is in my Head

 A weird thing happened today. I got totally hungry. Had the opportunity to eat something that really wasn't that unhealthy, and my mind started playing Jedi mind tricks with me. Here's a snippet of what I had to deal with today:

Me: Hey! I have half a pop-tart in my desk drawer. If I eat that now then I'll be less hungry at dinner and won't inhale my food in five minutes. And it's only 5 points. Not too shabby. (Mouth starts salivating - stomach lets out a huge gurgle)
Obi-Wan: A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips.
Me: But.....why does it matter if I eat 5 points now or 5 points later? You're not making any sense.
Obi-Wan: You can have results or excuses. Not both.
Me: So if I eat this pop-tart, I won't be able to lose weight? That's dumb. A calorie is a calorie.
Obi (we're on a nick-name basis now): Suck it up now so you can suck it in later.
Me: I hate you.

A Rant from Caitrin

Today they had ice cream cake. I had an apple. This blows.

Love me some Lazy Mondays!

I took off work today. I've been stressed out and just wanted a day where I could lay around and not to jack crap. I was planning on laying on the couch in my pjs, watching Columbo, and doing crafty stuff - but thanks to my husband, I ended up playing a video game. All. Day. Long.

DC Universe. Ever hear of it? He helped me create a character last night and now I'm addicted. I can't complain though. I still had a monday off and I didnt have to change out of my pajamas.

The worst part about having a "me" day when you're on a diet is that you don't get to just eat all the junk you want. Before, I would go thru a drivethru in the morning somewhere, bring breakfast back, and gorge myself. I probably would have even gone to the store the day before and loaded up with my favorite snack foods so I could indulge myself all day. It was weird not incorporating yummy food into my special day off. I didn't like it. But I already felt guilty for laying on my butt all day, I didnt want to make it worse by inhaling tons of calories and fat too.

My husband and I have both committed to riding the exercise bike for one hour tonight. Yay.

Since I've started dieting, I have finally learned how to correctly spell 'exercise'. I've always had a hard time with that word. I guess that will go on my list under "pros" for losing weight. You learn how to spell fitness words.

Oh and I've lost another 3lbs. Which means I'm averaging about 3lbs a week lost - and that's without exercising. If this stupid heat wave would go away, I'd be able to walk by our lake again. Seriously - it's right down the street from me. It's a tease. Sorry coastal cities, but I'm praying for a hurricane. I need to lose this weight faster :)

I have found the secret to eating less...

It's called sleeping in til 11:30. I ate breakfast around 12, a small snack around 4, and dinner at 6:30. And I still have points left over. So basically my job is keeping me from obtaining my dreams of being thinner because they make me come in at 8am, therefore subjecting me to endless snack cravings and regular meal times. Those bastards.
Weekends really are harder though. We went to a friends house tonight and they had ordered in chinese. I'm pretty sure I salivated a little. And what's weird is I'm not even a huge fan of chinese - and when I eat it I feel so bloated afterwards. Not to mention I burp up sweet and sour sauce for a least a day. But still, that fried rice sure smelled yummy.
You know what I'm grateful for though? These:

If you haven't tried these, I feel sorry for you. They make dieting a lot easier because I actually feel like I'm eating something naughty haha. If I could just eat these all day, I would. I love Skinny Cow products, but I don't like their name. If I saw a skinny cow, I would say, "wow - look at that sad, sick cow. I hope someone puts it out of it's misery." I think instead they should have named their company "happy cow" and put a cow with a big smiley face as it's mascot.

There are reasons I don't see eye-to-eye with my marketing department.

I'm planning on staying up late so I can pull another late sleep-in. Then we weigh in again for our 3rd time. I'm scared. I'm shooting for at least 2lbs lost. If the scale says I've gained weight, I will drop kick it. Or punch it. Or cry.

Are we there yet???

I've been dieting for 12 days. Every hour has been a challenge. I'm hungry. I want chocolate milk. I feel like all this work should have resulted in at least 20lbs lost. Ha. Although I do have to say my clothes feel a little roomier. I just hate the waiting. At this pace it will be another 2 weeks before I'm down ten pounds.

Ugh.

I think this is why my diets usually only last a few weeks. I always feel like my effort should have better results. I know - not very realistic. But I literally spend HOURS each day calculating my food, preparing meals, looking up recipes..... and starving. 12 days and my stomach still wants more food. I went into the forbidden filing cabinet at work today and got two 3musketeers. You know why? Because they had CUPCAKES. And I couldn't have one. Well, at least not without losing a bunch of my points. So I got the next best thing so I wouldn't feel deprived.

   VS





When I lose twenty pounds, I'm going to celebrate by eating a cupcake. A chocolate one.

I'm sure I come across as a food addict. Not at all, really. I don't love food. I usually don't eat all that much. It's just that the food I do like to eat tends to be really really fattening and bad. And now I'm on a diet where I can't really eat the foods that I like and I'm eating stuff I wouldn't normally eat and all I want is to eat something that tastes good and God, dieting sucks. I wish i could just be normal and like vegetables and meat like everyone else. Chicken/veggie stir fry? Don't mind if I do.

I think I'm done whining now. If you're still reading this, I commend you.

My sore throat made me do it

Ended up getting a vanilla shake today. Actually, I got it this morning for breakfast (don't judge - my throat was so swollen my tonsils were practically touching). I have to say, dieting is a lot easier when you're not sick. When you don't feel good you want comfort stuff. 7-up, Ice Cream, Potato Soup. Your bed. And when you don't feel good, exercise, fat, and calories are the furthest thing from your mind. So I got my vanilla shake. I could have gone large but I didnt - got a medium instead. That made me feel less guilty later on. It's not all that bad though. The shake actually took up half the points I'm allowed for the day, but that's why we get bonus points! I probably would have ate more during the day but another thing about being sick - you're less hungry. Maybe I should stop washing my hands and start licking the shopping cart handles so I can stay sick all the time.

I'm kidding.

People do stupider things than that though to lose weight. I mean, how much safer is it to take a diet pill that you bought straight off the supermarket shelf? Not that I haven't tried it before. I've wasted way too much money on that crap actually. The only thing that half-way worked was Dexitrim, and that's because it made me sick to my stomach. AWESOME. You know why diet pill companies make so much money? Because of suckers like us.

I stayed at work all day, even though I really really wanted to go home. Now that I'm home, I'm going to lay on the couch, read a book, and not do anything. My exercise will be walking back and forth from the bathroom. I will drink all the juice and milk I want. And. I. Don't. Care.

All I freakin want is...

A milkshake! Just one regular-sized vanilla milkshake from Braums. I tell myself it's because of the sore throat I woke up with, but honestly, I just want that cold, creamy, fatty goodness. And it's 113 degrees today. Haven't I earned it from just having to tolerate this heat???